Stories

"Storytelling reveals meaning without committing the error of defining it." -Hannah Arendt

kinesics

Others rely
on the "science" of reading body language known as "kinesics." They
may tell you that whenever a woman crosses her legs she's defensive, if a
man hooks his thumbs in his belt he is making a sexually suggestive
statement, and someone who looks away while talking to you is being
dishonest and evasive.
All I can say is, "It's not that easy." I've seen every technique imaginable
attempted in the courtroom by those who want to read jurors and
witnesses. But I've never seen any form of rigid or simplistic analysis
work consistently and reliably. And no short cut to understanding peo
ple or predicting their behavior will work any better for you outside the
courtroom.
As you read on, you'll find we typically identify many possible meanings
that can be attributed to particular characteristics, not just one.
Don't get frustrated by your natural desire to want to be told that a particular
trait has a specific meaning. Instead, recognize that throughout
the balance of this book, as in life, there will seldom be one clear sign
pointing to the ultimate answer to someone's personality. Instead, each
clue may point in ten directions, and therefore be of limited value in isolation.

people reading: compassion and achievement

Compassion

The closer people are to the compassionate end of my personal hardness
scale, the more they tend to be generous, fair, sincere, affectionate,
gentle, family-oriented, forgiving, and understanding of human frailty.
They are inclined to give other people the benefit of the doubt and are
more inquisitive and patient than people who lack compassion. They
may have a harder time coming to a decision than those who are less
compassionate, but only because of their desire to do the right thing.
They don't want to hurt anyone, so they are unlikely to be dishonest.
They tend to believe that what goes around, comes around.
People who fall on the uncaring end of the scale tend to be more critical,
intolerant, unforgiving, harsh, punitive, and self-centered. They are
also frequently more analytical, more likely to scan the facts and make a
quick decision. By the same token, they tend to be more judgmental, impetuous,
and inclined to act before all the information is in. Their motto
frequently seems to be "What's in it for me?"

Achievement

Over the years, after paying particularly close attention to this characteristic,
I have found that people who have achieved their goals tend
to believe in personal accountability and responsibility. They tend to be
more compassionate, supportive, at peace with themselves and others,
and optimistic. They also tend to be more forgiving, hardworking, and
industrious.
Those who have not achieved their goals often have a victim mentality.
They can be quick to place blame on others and may be bitter, angry,
negative, pessimistic, and vengeful. Usually, they are less industrious and
more critical and cynical than achievers.

Dimitrius

'Mis libros no enseñan nada

...solamente describen'

E.C.

On Dostoievski's Art

Problems of Dostoyevsky’s Art is considered to be Bakhtin’s seminal work, and it is here that Bakhtin introduces three important concepts. First, is the concept of the unfinalizable self: individual people cannot be finalized, completely understood, known, or labeled. Though it is possible to understand people and to treat them as if they are completely known, Bakhtin’s conception of unfinalizability respects the possibility that a person can change, and that a person is never fully revealed or fully known in the world.

Second, is the idea of the relationship between the self and others, or other groups. According to Bakhtin, every person is influenced by others in an inescapably intertwined way, and consequently no voice can be said to be isolated. In an interview, Bakhtin once explained that, "

In order to understand, it is immensely important for the person who understands to be located outside the object of his or her creative understanding—in time, in space, in culture. For one cannot even really see one's own exterior and comprehend it as a whole, and no mirrors or photographs can help; our real exterior can be seen and understood only by other people, because they are located outside us in space, and because they are others.

As such, Bakhtin's philosophy greatly respected the influences of others on the self, not merely in terms of how a person comes to be, but also in how a person thinks and how a person sees oneself truthfully.

Emphasizing the positive

Emphasizing the Positive - Erickson was dyslexic as a boy, and was both colour blind and tone deaf throughout his life. He claimed that these sensory 'disabilities' helped him to focus on aspects of communication and behavior which most other people overlooked. This is a typical example of emphasizing the positive.
Erickson would often compliment the patient for a symptom, and would even encourage it, in very specific ways. In one amusing example, a woman whose parents-in-law caused her nauseous feelings in the gut every time they visited unexpectedly was 'taught' to puke spectacularly whenever the visits were especially inconvenient. Naturally the parents-in-law would always sympathetically help her clean up the vomit. Fairly soon, the annoying relatives started calling in advance before turning up, to see if she were 'well enough' to see them.
The subject of dozens of songs, 'emphasizing the positive' is a well known self-help strategy, and can be compared with 'positive reformulation' in Gestalt Therapy.

Make it brief

• - In common with most brief therapy practitioners, Erickson was entirely uninterested in analysing the patient's early psychological development. Occasionally in his case histories, he will briefly discuss the patient's background, but only as much as it pertains to the resources available to the patient in the present.

INTERVIEWER: You don't feel that exploring the past is particularly relevant? I'm always trying to get clear in my mind how much of the past I need to consider when doing brief therapy.

ERICKSON: You know, I had one patient this last July who had four or five years of psychoanalysis and got nowhere with it. And someone who knows her said, "How much attention did you give to the past?" I said, "You know, I completely forgot about that." That patient is, I think, a reasonably cured person. It was a severe washing compulsion, as much as twenty hours a day. I didn't go in to the cause or the etiology; the only searching question I asked was "When you get in the shower to scrub yourself for hours, tell me, do you start at the top of your head, or the soles of your feet, or in the middle? Do you wash from the neck down, or do you start with your feet and wash up? Or do you start with your head and wash down?"

INTERVIEWER: Why did you ask that?

ERICKSON: So that she knew I was really interested.

INTERVIEWER: So that you could join her in this?

ERICKSON: No, so that she knew I was really interested.

-Interview with Erickson quoted in Uncommon Therapy by Jay Haley.

Shocks and Ordeals

Shocks and ordeals

Erickson is famous for pioneering indirect techniques, but his shock therapy tends to get less attention, perhaps because it is uncomfortable for us to hear such uncharacteristic stories about an inspirational and gentle healer. Nonetheless, Erickson was prepared to use psychological shocks and ordeals in order to achieve given results:

When the old gentleman asked if he could be helped for his fear of riding in an elevator, I told him I could probably scare the pants off him in another direction. He told me that nothing could be worse than his fear of an elevator.

The elevators in that particular building were operated by young girls, and I made special arrangements with one in advance. She agreed to cooperate and thought it would be fun. I went with the gentleman to the elevator. He wasn't afraid of walking into an elevator, but when it started to move it became an unbearable experience. So I chose an unbusy time and I had him walk in and out of the elevator, back in and out. Then at a point when we walked in, I told the girl to close the door and said, "Let's go up."

She went up one story and stopped in between floors. The gentleman started to yell, "What's wrong!" I said, "The elevator operator wants to kiss you." Shocked, the gentleman said, "But I'm a married man!" The girl said, "I don't mind that." She walked toward him, and he stepped back and said, "You start the elevator." So she started it. She went up to about the fourth floor and stopped it again between floors. She said, "I just have a craving for a kiss." He said, "You go about your business." He wanted that elevator moving, not standing still. She replied, "Well, let's go down and start all over again," and she began to take the elevator down. He said, "Not down, up!" since he didn't want to go through that all over again.

She started up and then stopped the elevator between floors and said, "Do you promise you'll ride down in my elevator with me when you're through work?" He said, "I'll promise anything if you promise not to kiss me." He went up in the elevator, relieved and without fear - of the elevator - and could ride one from then on.

-Erickson quoted in 'Uncommon Therapy' by Jay Haley.

Acerca del aislamiento

'Porque quien se ha acostumbrado a confiar únicamente en sí mismo y se ha separado del todo, como una unidad, habituando su alma a no creer en la ayuda humana, en los hombres y en la humanidad, no cesa de temblar ante la idea de perder el nimio poder y contacto que ha adquirido.'

Zósima, en Los Hermanos Karamazov

On misconceptions.

"I said what I said, I did not say what I did not say"

Korzybski